The Aftermath Of Losing Someone

It's amazing just how profoundly loss effects your life.  Grief sneaks into every area of my day.  Not to say that I dwell constantly on missing mama but it's always there waiting to pop up unexpectedly.  It can be as simple as seeing a butterfly and it will remind me just how much I miss her. She loved butterflies. People keep saying, it'll get better with time but it's been 5 months and 15 days and I still feel so lost and sad.  I don't mean to say that I am a glummy gus or anything like that, it's just always there in the background

Grief is a complicated emotion. They say there are many facets of grief, I feel as though I am still in the shock and process of accepting it, stage 1.

I am also finding out that the stages don't always go in order nor do they only occur one time.  There are varying degrees of each stage and sometimes they come in waves that are as big as a building and other times they come in little drops here and there like a sprinkle during a summer storm. Some days I feel as though I have done a good job of accepting it and am moving through my day fairly in tact mentally then there are those other days where I am just sad and trying to make it to the end of the day without breaking down. See. I go from stage 5 right back to stage 1. That is okay. It's a process and I am moving through it in my own time and somedays I may go through every stage. I just have to remember to be patient with myself and others.

 If you have ever lost someone so significantly important in your life, you know exactly what I am saying. There is no rhyme or reason to loss, it ebbs and flows and if you are lucky you make it through to the other side in tact and mentally stronger.

As I said earlier grief impacts every area of life.  Every relationship you have is touched by grief, it invades your mind and wreaks havoc with your sleep and body. It takes away your ability to think clearly and is a continual reminder of just how much your life has changed. It changes the way you interact with your spouse especially if they are grieving the same loss as well.  It changes how happy go lucky you are into someone who is prone to cry at the drop of a hat.

I try to remember I am not the only one who is grieving my mama's passing, but my grief is what is front and center in my mind.  So as my family is moving through the grief process I know we are all doing it in our own way and in our own time, and that is okay. I can't help but feel that it is just my grief and my loss but it isn't.  Everyone who was touched by my precious mama is grieving. As we are going through this loss I can see we are still all in the beginning stages of loss, trying to accept she is gone and process the shock of her passing. Sometimes I see a glimpse of depression, lethargy, sadness and a general feeling of unwellness. At times it feels as if the grief will swallow me whole and I'll disappear.

 With all that being said, I soldier on like mamma would want and try to go on with my life as best I can.  I am working on reconnecting with God while going through this new part of my journey. It's hard and some days I'd really rather not speak to anyone else, in fact I'd really like to stay in bed and just not do life.  Fortunately I don't do those things because . .well, guilt I suppose.  The guilt stops me from staying in bed and from isolating myself.  I can't just disappear, I have a husband and children to tend to, relationships require daily intentional interaction.  I have a job and I am an integral part of the team there and it wouldn't be fair to leave them hanging every time I am having a difficult day.  Then there are the days I feel normal, and I'm laughing and smiling.  Those days I feel the most guilty. I am sure that is perfectly normal but it feels wrong.  So I am learning it's okay to feel whatever I am feeling regardless of if it's sadness, joy or crushing depression.  It'll pass.  Someday.  Not today but someday in the future. It.  Will.  Pass. 

So if you're going through grief, be kind and patient with yourself.  It changes everything and it is a long and arduous process.  It takes a lot of time and requires you to deal with many emotions at the same time.  It's going to be okay, maybe not today or tomorrow but someday it will be okay. Take this time to work through those emotions but as you do that be patient with yourself and with others. Spend time talking about them because they were yours and you were theirs and your lives were irrevocably intertwined. Nothing will ever change that fact.

 "Limitations only exist if you let them" Godspeed...this comes from the Middle English expression "God spede (you)", a wish for success and fortune for one setting out on an enterprise, voyage, adventure, or travels. It may also mean good luck. © 2019 Shannon M. King. This publication is the exclusive property of Shannon M. King and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws. The contents of this post/story may not be reproduced as a whole or in part, by any means whatsoever, without consent of the author, Shannon M. King. All rights reserved.

Losing Mama

 My precious mama earned her wings January 24, 2019 and to say it’s been devastating and difficult to accept would be putting it mildly.  She and I were best friends, we did so much together and our lives were so entwined I am having a hard time accepting it, let alone dealing with it. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but truth be told I’d rather be with her. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to die I just miss my mama’s presence. I miss her smile, the way she said “hey baby” and her quirky way of doing almost anything.

Mama had a way about her. Everything she did was quirky.  For example, she would stand behind me while I cooked and watch.  I often said “Mama, I’m an adult, I’ve been cooking for many years without supervision” to which she would say “I know, I just wanna watch”.  Then we’d smile and laugh.  What I wouldn’t do to have her do that one more time, or to hear her say “Hey baby” when she saw me.  It’s funny what we miss when a loved one leaves this world behind for good.

I hate the finality.  It was a sudden death, so there was no time to say any last loving heartfelt words or to hear her say I love you one more time.  I am still trying to accept she’s gone, my mind still tells me that I need to call her and check in and then I catch myself and the grief is there all over again.  I know that in time it will get easier but right now it sucks.  Sorry but it’s my reality.  My new normal is hard to get acquainted with, I hate living without her smile and hugs and her obsession with weekly card games and bingo with her best friend Cathy.  I.  Hate.  It.  It’s over but I’m not ready for this new normal. She was my heart and I miss her and I’m mad she’s gone on to heaven without me.

That being said, I’m learning to navigate this new journey, sans mama, and it’s difficult to say the least but I’m doing it one difficult day after another.  One foot in front of the other, as they say. My brother and I just finished getting her estate all settled and we will  put her ashes in their final resting place in August.  There is so much minutiae involved in settling an estate it’s all overwhelming.  I thank God for my strong sweet brother, he did all the “heavy” lifting and I would never have made it without him.  He made it all go as smooth as something like this can go. We are bound together because of our sweet mama but this has brought us especially close and for that I’m eternally grateful, mama would certainly be happy. There is always something beautiful that comes when going through something so terrible and life changing.  In our case, a restored relationship. I choose to look for joy rather that dwell solely on my loss.  Mama deserves that.

I am blogging through my grief, while still learning to accept it and move forward without my best friend.  It’s been 5 months and 8 days since I’ve seen her beautiful face but I am confident that one day we will see each other again and oh what joy my soul shall feel!  This is the first of many posts and I’d be honored to have you follow me along.  Maybe by journaling I can learn to accept my loss and help others to deal with theirs.


"Limitations only exist if you let them" Godspeed...this comes from the Middle English expression "God spede (you)", a wish for success and fortune for one setting out on an enterprise, voyage, adventure, or travels. It may also mean good luck. © 2019 Shannon M. King. This publication is the exclusive property of Shannon M. King and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws. The contents of this post/story may not be reproduced as a whole or in part, by any means whatsoever, without consent of the author, Shannon M. King. All rights reserved.

Breakfast Oats & Chia

Hey guys and gals, today I'm just going to update you on my week and post a wonderful filling recipe.

This week I have been busy with food prep and the tiny dictator a.k.a. my 3yr old granddaughter. She has her weeks where she is really clingy with me and other weeks where she is better at clinging to her daddy. This has been one of the "Gwandma, I want you" weeks. One of these days they will get their own place and we can have a normal Gwandma granddaughter relationship. Honestly I really look forward to that day. Don't get me wrong, I love my tiny dictator but I would like the dynamic to change with us.  She tends to think of me as a surrogate mama to her, in fact today she called me her mama grand bear. Today started out with her crying and only wanting me to hold her because her tummy hurt her. I tried to explain to her daddy (my middle Navy son) that when kiddos are sick they normally turn to the female presence in the home for comfort and it didn't mean she doesn't like him. He isn't the most nurturing male (normal) but loves her dearly so he totally understands.  They are now off visiting friends and I'm hoping it goes well.

Food prep has consisted mainly making beans and rice to eat throughout the week. I do this every week and it makes meals so much easier and less taxing. As you know from my last post I eat mainly veggies, fruits and starches so the week has also been about making potatoes in some form every day. We love potatoes. My husband has been eating the way I am and so far it is going quite well.  He seems to be doing pretty good with the changes to our menu. I know that he will still eat meat from time to time and it really isn't my main goal to change him into a vegan or plant based eater.  My main goal is to help him lose weight and get healthier.  Also, what guy wouldn't be happy to be fed potatoes every single day?

#potatoesarelife

We are leaving today for a weekend coastal getaway, I am so excited. It's been awhile since my hubby and I have taken a trip together (due to work and the weather) and now that the weather (fingers crossed) is improving we are grabbing the opportunity posthaste before it changes it's fickle mind. Enjoy your weekend lovely friends.

Oats can be made the night before so they are ready for you to just grab and go or you can prepare them in the morning and let them soak for 30 minutes or longer.  I personally do it in the morning because I prefer to heat them up after they soak so they're not cold. You can also just cook them on the stove top it's really your choice.

Breakfast Oats
Ingredients as I make them
1/2 cup Oats (steel cut, regular or quick)
1 cup Plant milk (fresh home made almond coconut milk)
 1 tsp Chia seeds
 (I let this mixture soak for at least 30 minutes)
 Add several frozen strawberries,blueberries or blackberries and heat up in microwave for 3 minutes
Add in half a banana
Stir and enjoy! (I don't add sweetener but you could if you want)

Chocolate Chia Blackberry Banana Oats  So delicious!

To make overnight oats just take your oats, plant milk and chia, mix it all together and put into the fridge.  I put it all in a mason jar with a lid just in case it gets tipped over by my rambunctious late night eating kiddos. In the morning take oat mixture out of jar and add fruit and eat cold or heat it in microwave. Adding the chia is a great idea for a several reasons, chia seeds are a “whole grain” food, are usually grown organically, are non-GMO and naturally free of gluten. Bottom Line: Despite their tiny size, chia seeds are among the most nutritious foods on the planet. They are loaded with fiber, protein, Omega-3 fatty acids and various micronutrients.  They also help keep you regular, if you know what I mean. 

"Limitations only exist if you let them"

Godspeed...this comes from the Middle English expression "God spede (you)", a wish for success and fortune for one setting out on an enterprise, voyage, adventure, or travels. It may also mean good luck.

© 2017 Shannon M. King. This publication is the exclusive property of Shannon M. King and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws. The contents of this post/story may not be reproduced as a whole or in part, by any means whatsoever, without consent of the author, Shannon M. King. All rights reserved.