So Very Frustrated!

Warning:  This will be a whinny post full of my sadness and frustrations, so if you don't want to hear it feel free to move on, I won't hold it against you!

I am feeling sorry for myself.  This pelvic pain has been a constant reminder of my bodies inadequacies for running.  Maybe that is not the right word, yet it is how I feel.  The doctor ordered new x-rays that of course showed no new fracture (surprise, surprise).  The fact that the x-ray showed no pelvic fracture does not surprise me, as x-rays rarely show a pelvic fracture, but now the doctor has me off running for a week (it's been a week as of Saturday 8-24) and the pain hasn't really changed, I still cannot sit for long and the pain is still present. 

That being said, running wasn't bothering me while in the moment, but I think that it was/is exacerbating the problem.  I have been good this last week and have not run one step.  I did go to the gym and use the non-impact machines and yesterday I walked for 49 minutes so I have gotten in some exercise, just not my preferred exercise.  

While on my walk yesterday morning I started to talk to God again.  We have (or I should say I have) been incommunicado lately. I realized that running has been an idol and I have put it above my relationship with God,  I had to lay running at God's feet and give it to Him and repent.  It is heartbreaking to me that I have put running above the One who loves me most, and it saddens me that I may not be able to run (ever) again due to my physical problems.  

My relationship with God should be more important than running or anything else and sadly it has become a distant love and for that I am solely to blame and it's up to me to fix that,  for it is me that has gone off on a tangent, God has always been here waiting for me. He is always there for me (and you) just waiting for me to lean on Him and rest in His loving arms and look to Him for answers instead of trying to do my own thing.  

Doing my own thing has always led to disaster, yet here I am again.  Thankfully God does not look at us like we think He does, we assume when we do something wrong He looks at us sternly and says "OMG how could you do this" or maybe "I am so disappointed in you"...Thankfully that is not how He sees us.  If we are His children He looks at us with love, forgiveness and mercy and because He loves us it saddens Him when we decide to do things on our own (and put other things/people above Him) especially when those things/people take us down paths He would rather us not go (because He knows the pain and anguish that awaits us).  I thank God that He loves me and forgives me when I repent, and takes me into His arms and comforts me (like now) when my heart is broken.  

Running is/has been my passion and I'm sad I can't run right now,  but even more I want God to be my passion and I only ask that I can one day run without pain, if that fits into Gods will for my life.

Physically I may have another pelvic fracture or it may be osteoporosis, or it could be bone cancer as thyroid cancer will metastasize to the bones of the pelvis first. The doctor did inform me that for some reason my body does not metabolize vitamin D, either from the sun or a pill, very well, and that I have been chronically very deficient for some time and most likely will be for the rest of my life. I went to the Herb shop and found some fast absorbing Liquid Sunshine with 5000 I.U. and am now taking that every day.  I am also having a problem getting in enough protein which is essential for bone growth, maintenance and renewal, so I am working on that in regards to my food.  

Currently I am waiting to hear back from the doctor to see what he wants me to do now that I have taken a week off from running, I fear his response will be "Continue doing what you are doing". He was going to see if my cancer doctor wants to move my scans up and have them done now to check for bone cancer in the pelvis and also whether he wants to order an MRI or a bone density scan. 

So for now I am not running and trying desperately (probably foolishly) to hold on to the hope that I can still run my half next month.  In my mind I could still run it, even knowing that it will cause me more pain. (and possibly injure me more) Physically I know I can do it, mentally I know(-ish) that I shouldn't run it as it could cause a more serious condition that may cause permanent damage etc. End of rant.  

So that's it folks, that's all she wrote, as the saying goes. May God richly bless you all.  I hope that your week turns out to be a beautiful one.   
Blessings and hugs.

 


"Limitations only exist if you let them"

Godspeed...this comes from the Middle English expression "God spede (you)", a wish for success and fortune for one setting out on an enterprise, voyage, adventure, or travels. It may also mean good luck.

© 2013 Shannon M. King. This publication is the exclusive property of Shannon M. King and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws. The contents of this post/story may not be reproduced as a whole or in part, by any means whatsoever, without consent of the author, Shannon M. King. All rights reserved.